The Plain Picture
I'm trying to paint a picture. A picture that represents my current state of mind. My mood should I say. As I hold the brush in my right hand and stare at this blank canvas, I try to picture an image or colour to begin with. Mainly the colour, as its the best way to represent my feelings. First I need acknowledge this mood that I'm in before I can decide on what colour to use to represent this mood accurately. Am I happy?, sad?, angry?, tired?, emotional? or in love?.
If you asked me to paint this picture yesterday I would have known exactly how I would have painted it, and what colours to use. There would be some hits of Blue. The Blue would represent the calmness, only to now realise its the calm before the storm ahead which struck today. Red would have also been a befitting colour to have used. This red would have represented the love and passion I had yesterday simply from being around someone. If I should use this colour red today in this picture, it would represent the mere anger and frustrations of my current feelings. But why is it that I can't bring myself to use these colours and paint my picture of today.
The plain white paper that's placed before me somehow looks complete. Just perfect without a single blemish. Nothing more or less needs to be added. But that can't be right. The blank picture couldn't possibly be the emotion that I'm feeling. Nothing. Empty. That's impossible.
With each day there's a feeling or emotion that I could paint onto paper. But why not today. Could it be that I wanted someone else to paint this picture for me. If I just describe and tell this person how I'm feeling, would they understand and use this as a way to paint such a beautiful masterpiece. Its a great idea but I doubt that would work.
You see one of my constant fears, is pouring out my heart to someone, and for them to not understand. Further more for them to completely confuse my emotion or feeling with something else, no matter how hard I try to explain. If another person should paint this picture on my behalf I may not like what I see. So who better to paint this picture than myself.
So I'll try again.
If you asked me to paint this picture yesterday I would have known exactly how I would have painted it, and what colours to use. There would be some hits of Blue. The Blue would represent the calmness, only to now realise its the calm before the storm ahead which struck today. Red would have also been a befitting colour to have used. This red would have represented the love and passion I had yesterday simply from being around someone. If I should use this colour red today in this picture, it would represent the mere anger and frustrations of my current feelings. But why is it that I can't bring myself to use these colours and paint my picture of today.
The plain white paper that's placed before me somehow looks complete. Just perfect without a single blemish. Nothing more or less needs to be added. But that can't be right. The blank picture couldn't possibly be the emotion that I'm feeling. Nothing. Empty. That's impossible.
With each day there's a feeling or emotion that I could paint onto paper. But why not today. Could it be that I wanted someone else to paint this picture for me. If I just describe and tell this person how I'm feeling, would they understand and use this as a way to paint such a beautiful masterpiece. Its a great idea but I doubt that would work.
You see one of my constant fears, is pouring out my heart to someone, and for them to not understand. Further more for them to completely confuse my emotion or feeling with something else, no matter how hard I try to explain. If another person should paint this picture on my behalf I may not like what I see. So who better to paint this picture than myself.
So I'll try again.
I think we all have that fear of pouring out to someone and them not understanding... but as long as you feel compelled to open up it means you trust the person enough with it..
ReplyDeleteKeep on trying to paint that picture.. :)