Why are you still single?

"Why are you still single?"

There goes that million dollar question which seems to be getting asked to me more frequently these days. I get told how beautiful, sweet, kind and generous I am, but the funny thing is I’m yet to hear someone tell me that I have the ‘wifey’ qualities. It’s all good and well ticking all the boxes based on looks alone but how about the major important qualities needed to be a girlfriend or wife.

Truth is I’ve been single now for over 4 years and as depressing as that may sound, I must now ask myself why is this. It’s not like I’ve not been on dates, or met anyone that I liked because of course I have. At first I used to say I had bad luck (wrong answer), then I used to say I suffer from constant unrequited love (again wrong answer) but then I had to question myself and answer honestly which is there’s clearly something missing  that I’m yet to learn and obtain. I’m not saying there is something wrong with me and that I’m damaged goods, but in fact I just have a lot to learn when it comes to loving someone and being in a relationship with them. I have to ask myself what do I really have to offer and yes I have a few reasonable answers but it’s just not enough. I mean would I marry myself right now (ponders on this).

At my age it’s pretty embarrassing to say that I’ve never really been in a deep meaningful relationship where love is involved (the kind where I love him and he actually loves me back). So maybe that’s why I’ve been single for so long, I’m still learning, growing and trying to understand what it takes to love and care for someone in a partnership. I’ve been called selfish and part of loving someone (I believe) is to be selfless). I can also be quite lazy and stubborn which are the worst characteristics a woman should bring to the table in a relationship (I’m working on this). But then surely by now I should have met someone that could help break me out of those bad habits. Then again why should that be the case? So you can see where and how I’m going wrong right. I know I have bad habits yet instead of working on them I’m waiting on someone to help me break out of it. This shows how I in some way lack some form of independence or strong will and what man finds that attractive *sigh*

“But you could get any guy you wanted”

When people say this to me I feel like slapping them. I mean if I could get any guy I wanted, surely I would not STILL be single for this long. It’s a great compliment yes but I really can’t get any guy I want, believe I’ve tried. But you see the thing that I’m now realising is I never managed to offer anything deep and meaningful to the opposite sex. I was in some way far too laid back which as a result allowed certain men in my life to take advantage of me. I think at times I may have come across a little bit weak and immature. Harsh words but it’s the truth and I’m realising this the more I look back at the old me.

“You’re far too picky with high standards”

Some of my friends insist that it’s because I’m too picky when it comes to choosing men which is why I’m single. I used to agree but then I realised, I know what I want and I’ve never been a fan of settling. I’ve never been the type to go by looks and other material things, so for me it’s usually down to whether I’m drawn to you or not. Most case it’s just something I quite like about them from the beginning. If I like a guy I like him, I’ve never really experienced the feeling of ‘letting the emotion/feeling grow’. Of course there are certain qualities I look for in a man but I hardly believe I’m asking for much.

“He’s not into you”

A major problem which I believe most women tend to do is not move on from a man who clearly is not into you. Lord knows I been rejected a lot but one thing I failed to do was get the message that he did not like me as much as I liked him. Rather than walk away I begin to build up expectations of what could have been, which sets me up for disappointment when it doesn’t happen. And rather than getting over it, move on and allow a better person to come along, I let myself stay ‘stuck’ in that moment, again hoping that this guy will like or want me (smh). I’m never allowing this to happen again. Life is short, if I like spending time with you as well as talking to you I will continue to do so, however the moment it seems they don’t feel the same or not on the same page as me I really must keep it moving and be open to getting to know other people without thinking too far ahead. (If you get what I mean)

“So why am I single?”

I guess I’m still single as I’m yet to find someone that I really like and he likes me back and also finds me worthy enough to be in a relationship with. That’s the best answer I could give, as well as the fact that I’m a working progress and it seems I have much to learn and understand when it comes to this dating and relationship thing. One thing I know is I’d make a great girlfriend/wife, and as much as I’ve heard many horror stories about falling and being in love, I sure am excited for my next relationship. Maybe not now as there are many things I want to put into place beforehand but nonetheless  love is a beautiful thing (so I hear) and should all have the opportunity to experience it ;-)